Sunday, December 12, 2004

Can You Be Friends With Your Ex.?

Up until recently, I’ve always maintained friendly relationships with my ex-girlfriends. My rationale was, and still is, that it took a great deal of time to develop a friendship with them and why should we throw our friendship away because we failed at dating?

According to Nancy Kalish, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at California State University, it's better to just hang up when an old love calls. Her reason is that “it usually breaks up a marriage," she cautions. "Someone is going to get hurt."

According to her study, if it does not result in dissolution of the relationship, it often leads to adultery. In fact, her study sites that one forth of extramarital affairs are with old lovers.

Most attempts to reunite are made within 10 years, but the re-connection is most likely to last when it is made after a much longer separation. After a long separation, both parties have forgotten the reasons they ended the relationship or the reasons are not important any more. Overall, 60 percent of reunions between old loves endure. This is both good and bad.

The good news is that reunions between old loves that result in marriage have a divorce rate that is a mere 3% to 4%; much less than the national average of 45%. The bad news is these re-unions usually result in a break up or a divorce for the current relationship.

My advice, if you value your current relationship, be on guard for the old-flame that calls your boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife out of the blue. Learn how to strengthen your relationship by contacting me at FREE seminar.

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