Response to Maybe Men Are Not the Problem

I would give the article more credit if it were titled more appropriately, Sometimes Men Are Not The Problem. That is a true statement. Sometimes men are not the problem. But to say, Maybe Men Are Not the Problem is to absolve black men of any of the issues plaguing the black community, which is in line with what most like to do anyway, which is not to accept responsibility for anything, they simply want all of the praise, which is not the way life works so they need to get over it.

The author lists 5 primary reasons why they feel no one, especially black men want a black woman: too indepedent, the femist got us, non domestic, bad sex and down right fat.

I will admit that many sisters, if not most have taken this whole miss independent thing to another level. There is nothing wrong with being able to do for self; however, you can't be overbearing with it. When someone hear a woman say, "I don't need a man", please know that woman is lying. She's only saying that because she doesn't have one (man) and she needs to make herself feel better about it. It's like ugly people saying looks doesn't matter or fat people saying men like their plus sizes and calling themselves BBW or poor people saying we don't have food, shelter or clothes but we have love! It's all a lie to make themselves feel better and to sleep well at night. So if you know those folks are crazy and bitter, why pay attention to them? It's like brothers that complain about the man holding them down and "won't let me work". You have to say, no, it's about your ass not having a high school diploma, felonies on your police record and you just being lazy. But hey, why argue with those fools?

Being independent is a double edged sword for black women. For those of us with corporate positions, you have to be strong and assertive in the work place, like many black men with corporate positions, and because we have a lot more at stake with less room to error than our white counterparts. However, women have to remember to take off the power suit when they arrive home and not be so domineering but to allow the man to take the lead. I tell women all the time, submission is not a bad word. I look forward to finding the man that I can submit to, who can take some of this pressure off me and allow me to be pampered and treated like a Princess. And I think most women would love that however, we can't always do that with black men. let's keep it real, many, not all, but many black men simply aren't in the position to take the lead on much of anything. Therefore, someone is always having to take the lead for them. Too many black men don't graduate high school or get themselves in positions that will make it difficult to find work. And even if they can find some kind of job, 1/3 of their check got to go to babies that they've made outside the home. I mean, come on. I'm not submitting to that crap. He's proven that he can't make wise decisions. I wouldn't even be with someone like that but many black women do because of the lack of truly quality black men. And of the black men that have made better decisions and got their stuff together, well you can't tell them anything because they know they are a rare breed and instead of giving back and helping younger brothers get there and really doing something to improve the black community, they just want to know how many women they can get to fight over them, who they can bed and "wow, look at me, I don't even have to get a black woman, I can get a white woman or an international lover, now I'm really a man!" WHATEVER. Men are just as much the problem with too independent women as the independent women are themselves.

As for being a feminist, no group of women has embraced this more than white women and that's the truth. However, just like my point above, white men and men of other nationalities groom themselves to someday be a husband and the bread winner of the family, while too many black men simply don't have this kind of leadership. They don't prepare themselves. Like much in life, if you don't prepare for it, you have to take whatever is handed to you. That's obvious in many of the roles that black men have taken. White women and others have men at home to help carry their burden, but black women, because they choose to primarily love black men, simply don't have this luxury. Unlike black men, black women know they have to adapt to the hand they are dealt.

I always hear men complain about the domestic skills of the younger generation of women. Like the author said, they can't cook like the mothers or grandmothers generations ago. Well, I would like to add, again, black men aren't keeping up to their end of the bargain either. Black men have lost the hands on skills of their fathers and grandfathers. So many black men can't even change the oil in their cars. If they can change the oil, that's all they can do, maybe that and a tire. Other than that, they are clueless. And forget about fixing anything that's broken down around the house. They simply don't have the skills. Do you know how much money a young couple could save if men know how to do the basic maintenance on a car or up keep around the house? Not black men. Tell the author this, more women may be willing to be Betty Crocker but trust and believe, they will only do it for Mr. Goodwrench.

Please don't get me started on sex. Of all the women that I know that have had sex with men of other nationalities, and I know quite a few because the more educated women aren't as loyal to brothers as brothers like to think, WE all say the same thing, black men are the worst lovers out of the bunch. It is not a secret, when a black man gets into bed with a woman it's about getting HIS. When other men get into bed with women, especially white men, it's about pleasing their partners. Seriously. Black men are always so busy focusing on "their big black dicks"humping up and down on someone like a freaking jackhammer. They know nothing about stroking the kitty but they all think they do. And not all black men have big dicks. I thought that I would throw that one out there for good measure because black men love believing that STEREOTYPE. When these other women get with black men, white or international, they don't think they want to be with a black man because black men are known to be good providers, kind, considerate, INTELLIGENT or any other positive attributes one would seek in a mate. They initially hook up with them because they think they have big dicks and the women want to get fu*k really good. That's it. They want to feel rebellious and like Mandingo going to protect them. So negros need to get over themselves. Over time that brother may prove themselves to these women and they end up together but trust, he's proven himself to those women in ways that he hasn't with a black woman. The author even specifically mentioned black women not liking to perform oral sex on a man, every black woman I know, with the exception of 1 does it. Black men for years were known not to perform oral sex on a woman. I bet they do it for those white ones. It's simply something in black culture that taught such acts were nasty. I say all of thi to say, black men are also known not to be good lovers, just big dicks and many women mistakenly think big dicks equal greater pleasure but us intelligent women know that's not true.

And now on to the fat girls. I will admit there are a lot of fat black women. We need to work harder as a group to maintain our figures. Too many black women think if they dress up the fat really good, with a nice outfit, it's Ok, but it's not. They need to quit eating that soul food that the author mentioned earlier and go to the gym. They need to stop these crazy looking weaves and these other ghetto hairstyles while they are at it because it's simply not cute. However, I must address that being overweight is more of an socio-economic issues than a racial issue. There may be more overweight blacks than other groups because more blacks are on the lower end of the socio-economic scale than other groups. Recent reports just came out listing the fattest states and regions in this country. The south was listed at the top of the list with MS and AL at 1 & 2. They are also among the poorest states in the union. Rural areas tend to have more over weight people and rural areas tend to have more living in poverty than cities and suburbs. When you go to those places, you can see plenty of fat white and blacks walking around. And just so I can point it out, I don't think the author would have even notice this because he's so biased, there, you also have more fat women then men. How many times when looking in rural south do you see the fat white woman and the skinny white man? The same with blacks. In inner cities, you see more fat blacks because many blacks in the inner city are poor and simply don't have or maybe even want the education and resources to do better for themselves. So I say all of this to say, yes, black women need to step up with taking care of themselves but it's more than just "black women are fat".

In conclusion, this author presents no solutions in making things better for the black community overall and only points fingers and assess blame. This method has proven over time not to create any kind of positive change. The author has a very skewed view of looking at the world and I would suggest that he get out more. Most of us are skewed by our own experiences and how we see things but we have to work hard at getting out of that mindset and truly see what's going on underneath the surface problems. I would be interested in hearing his suggestions if he had any to truly help the black people. Not because I think they are valid, just like hearing how the other half thinks.