Thursday, January 20, 2005

Turn In Your Player Card

The dictionary defines change as a cause to be different. Change is not easy nor is it openly embraced by those comfortable with the status qua. The time has come for a change in the social mindset of Black men. I can not in good conscience continue to participate in the social machinery that allows for the destruction of the Black race. For those of you that think I’m talking about White Conservatives or Republicans, you are mistaken. I’m talking about Black men marching toward selfishness and leaving a path of emotional destruction behind them. Now is the time for all men to turn in their Playa Card and learn to deal with women as persons and not a sexual opportunity.

The first place we start is with our language. We should stop referring to ourselves as Players and Pimps. How we have allowed ourselves to follow the ignorant dictates of the Hip-Hop culture is beyond me. These terms are insulting to Black women with whom we have relationships with. As if our Pop culture is not degrading enough when it comes to women, we add to the problem by participating in the planned subjugation. Our language lays the ground work for our disrespectful behavior and this behavior is etched into younger Black boys listening to Black men call Black women bitches and whores. And while I’m on the subject of language, we should re frame from calling Black women bitches and whores. Black women are our wives, mothers, sisters, friends and lovers and they deserve to be treated with more respect from Black men.

Any man with a pulse can be a Player. There are so many women who desperately desire a quality relationship that they settle for the first guy who has some potential. Truth be known, most Players are cowards. They are not man enough to work through the tough times of making a relationship work. It is easy to surround yourself with several women and not deal with any tangible problems. As soon as one relationship no longer works, you move to the next one. Disposable women, relationships and emotions are the current legacy of the Black man. We must accept the challenge to change the future.

I know first hand how difficult it is to maintain a relationship, but the answer to the difficulties is not involving other women. The answer to dealing with the difficulties of relationship management is to work at becoming better at being in a relationship. I’m asking Black men to stop avoiding the tough and rigorous work of being good men to Black women and work to become good men. The potential exist within us all, but it takes work to unleash the good man within.

JR Stewart is an author and a motivational public speaker and can be reached at

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